Have you been wondering how you're going to save your marriage, but don't have much faith in the marriage counseling industry? Well, considering that there's an over 50% failure rate for marriage...and the marriage counseling industry is enormous...then you're probably on the right track.
You see, sometimes even though everyone's doing it, it doesn't make it right? Isn't that what your mother used to say to you?
Well, I hate to sound like your mother, but I'm saying it to you too. You may be doing all the wrong things to save your marriage, simply because you're following the usual advice.
You see, it wasn't long ago that I was just like you trying desperately to save the marriage with the person I loved more than anything. I looked through tons of advice and marriage counseling books, and stories, etc.
The problem was that I didn't like most approaches. Now that doesn't mean that the approach is wrong because Jason Nelson doesn't like it, but I just wasn't comfortable with traditional counseling, and was pretty sure that my wife wasn't either.
Are All Marriage Counselors Wrong and Worthless?
Of course not, and I don't mean to imply that. But with the statistics above I don't think it's hard to see that a lot of them might be worthless.
But let's be fair. Let's look at some of the usual things that you'd be told by a traditional marriage counselor.
First of all they'll almost always try to drag both of you in to their office so that you can sit on a couch and hash everything out in front of them. I truly believe that they're doing what they fill is the right thing to do. I don't think they do this to mean any harm what so ever.
It actually makes sense that you'd want to see how the two people communicate.
But in my experience, I figured out...or should I say found...a way to save my marriage without needing my wife's involvement! Imagine that, for the longest time she didn't even know that I was trying to save my marriage.
I knew that there were enough things that I was doing wrong in the marriage that if I could just fix those things alone, then my marriage would be at least 50% better. That was my way of thinking. Now I think every marriage counselor would tell you that that's nuts, and that it takes two to tango. You've heard it all, but I was stubborn and wanted to at least try.
How to Save the 50% (or more) of Your Marriage That Is Your Fault!
Ok in my case it was more but let's just call it 50% to round it off.:)
One of the biggest and what I feel the most effective things I did was quit trying to talk about all of our problems.
I mean come on, who wants to keep going on and on about the same things that never get solved in the first place. It's not like I was going to suddenly make her think that I'm right, or suddenly think that her points of view were right. So I dropped these issues, and started coming up with ways on my end to solve them.
But more than that, I began the journey to becoming a better husband. It wasn't instantaneous, but dropping all of the big ole' issues that kept causing more fights was a huge start because...well...a lot of the fighting stopped.
Now I'm no expert, but this was a much better way to save my marriage than keep rehashing all of the stuff that bothered us each time it came up.
My marriage was and still is the most important thing in the world to me. I decided that if it was be fixed that it was up to me to fix it. Basically my wife had given up on it being repairable. Fortunately I didn't. It wasn't easy, I had a lot to learn.
You see, sometimes even though everyone's doing it, it doesn't make it right? Isn't that what your mother used to say to you?
Well, I hate to sound like your mother, but I'm saying it to you too. You may be doing all the wrong things to save your marriage, simply because you're following the usual advice.
You see, it wasn't long ago that I was just like you trying desperately to save the marriage with the person I loved more than anything. I looked through tons of advice and marriage counseling books, and stories, etc.
The problem was that I didn't like most approaches. Now that doesn't mean that the approach is wrong because Jason Nelson doesn't like it, but I just wasn't comfortable with traditional counseling, and was pretty sure that my wife wasn't either.
Are All Marriage Counselors Wrong and Worthless?
Of course not, and I don't mean to imply that. But with the statistics above I don't think it's hard to see that a lot of them might be worthless.
But let's be fair. Let's look at some of the usual things that you'd be told by a traditional marriage counselor.
First of all they'll almost always try to drag both of you in to their office so that you can sit on a couch and hash everything out in front of them. I truly believe that they're doing what they fill is the right thing to do. I don't think they do this to mean any harm what so ever.
It actually makes sense that you'd want to see how the two people communicate.
But in my experience, I figured out...or should I say found...a way to save my marriage without needing my wife's involvement! Imagine that, for the longest time she didn't even know that I was trying to save my marriage.
I knew that there were enough things that I was doing wrong in the marriage that if I could just fix those things alone, then my marriage would be at least 50% better. That was my way of thinking. Now I think every marriage counselor would tell you that that's nuts, and that it takes two to tango. You've heard it all, but I was stubborn and wanted to at least try.
How to Save the 50% (or more) of Your Marriage That Is Your Fault!
Ok in my case it was more but let's just call it 50% to round it off.:)
One of the biggest and what I feel the most effective things I did was quit trying to talk about all of our problems.
I mean come on, who wants to keep going on and on about the same things that never get solved in the first place. It's not like I was going to suddenly make her think that I'm right, or suddenly think that her points of view were right. So I dropped these issues, and started coming up with ways on my end to solve them.
But more than that, I began the journey to becoming a better husband. It wasn't instantaneous, but dropping all of the big ole' issues that kept causing more fights was a huge start because...well...a lot of the fighting stopped.
Now I'm no expert, but this was a much better way to save my marriage than keep rehashing all of the stuff that bothered us each time it came up.
My marriage was and still is the most important thing in the world to me. I decided that if it was be fixed that it was up to me to fix it. Basically my wife had given up on it being repairable. Fortunately I didn't. It wasn't easy, I had a lot to learn.
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